i made a choice a couple of years ago when Pastor Dan had a similar sermon. i made the choice to forgive anyone who had and will wrong me with their sins. i felt like the hate i felt for them left a scum on my soul. a scum that enveloped my life with ugliness. once i chose to forgive, i feel like i was clarified.
i didnt want to have ugly feelings and ugly words for people who made poor choices. i didnt want to have an ugly soul. i didnt want to be an ugly person.
until today at church, i hadnt really put much thought into that space in my heart that i had vacated. i have learned to let go of everything and give it to God. i have let go of ugliness... so i had though.
i have found a way to apply this spiritual concept to a choice i made recently. i have chosen a new career path: paralegal. i have had reservations in the past about getting into the law field because of the idea that the attorney i support is sometimes going to represent and defend the bad guy. the person making poor choices. the liar. blatant criminals. and how should i feel about this? obviously they need to be defended by someone. i considered that fact that i can choose what field in law i support. maybe someone who doesnt defend criminals. like being the paralegal for someone who practices family law. but ultimately i decided to not let little discrepancies like that bother me and just to not really think about them. but today i thought about them when Pastor Dan brought up the idea of forgiveness. i had a revelation about this prejudice i had created about the "bad guy".
i have no right and no need to reserve space in my heart for the bad guys. the criminals. the liars. God does not want me to forsake them. He does not want me to judge them. He does not want me to have ugly feelings for them, because they are worthy of my forgiveness just for being children of God. that is not to say that they should not be dealt with in a court of law, but putting this ugly idea in my heat that they, the wrong-doers, are unworthy of forgiveness puts those ugly feelings of hate and anger back into my heart. the ones i worked so hard to expel.
i am enrolling in summer classes at evcc and when i complete my courses and begin searching for a firm that is a good fit, maybe i should choose criminal law. maybe God wants me to be the person who looks at the wrong-doers and says "you are forgiven".
"... Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brothers and sisters who sin against me? Seven times?"
"I tell you, not seven time but seventy times seven times."
Matthew 18: 21 and 22
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